


Doubt

by Noteventhat (Facialteeth)



Series: Halloween Fics [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Ghost Magnus Bane, Hallucinations, M/M, Mental Health Issues Discussed, Mundane Alec Lightwood, One Shot, Talk of Drowning and Death, Teenager Alec Lightwood, Unreliable Narrator, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 15:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21322177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Facialteeth/pseuds/Noteventhat
Summary: Alec had seen Magnus almost his whole entire life and he'd always been told that Magnus wasn't real. He was a figment of Alec's imagination and he'd believed that for years.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Halloween Fics [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/830448
Comments: 19
Kudos: 113





	Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> Eh, November fifth is still Halloween, right?

Magnus sat perched on the kitchen counter, his legs folded under him. He’d always loved sitting on the counters, ever since they were little and Alec had gotten yelled at for it. Their counters were far too expensive to be sitting on, his mother had said. Alec had never tried it again. Luckily for Magnus, no one but Alec could see him. So, he got away with it pretty easily.

Alec shook the pan on the stove and scrambled his eggs, humming softly as he listened to Magnus ramble about the show he’d been watching while Alec was at school yesterday. “-and then they showed this huge-” He was talking about Ancient Aliens, a show Magnus both seemed to love and be infuriated by. He loved all of those nerdy history shows, even the ones that weren’t quite as factual as the others. 

History had always bored Alec but he didn’t mind listening to Magnus talk about it. He also didn’t have much of a choice either.

Jace came running down the stairs into the kitchen a few moments later. He threw his school bag onto the counter where Magnus was sitting and slid into his usual seat. Alec looked back, watching Magnus’ displeased expression as he moved away from Jace’s bag that had settled right in his side.

“Oh, did I hit Magnus?” Jace asked knowingly. He reached out and pushed his bag again, shoving it directly into where Magnus had moved to try and get away from him. Magnus groaned loudly.

Alec chuckled. No one could see where Magnus was so a lot of people irritated him with their unintended inconsideration. Jace seemed to have a knack for doing it far more than anyone else. Magnus had joked once that he was there to haunt Alec and Jace was there to haunt him.

“Magnus says you’re rude.” Alec supplied helpfully, turning back to the stove. 

Jace scoffed. “Maybe if I could see him I’d be less rude. It’s very impolite of him to only talk to you.”

Jace was clearly joking but Alec did wish Jace could see Magnus. Alec had grown up with Magnus. Magnus was his favorite person in the entire world. He wished he could introduce him to his siblings so bad. He wished they could all hang out together. 

Magnus wasn’t real though. Alec had accepted that a long time ago. He felt real to Alec. He acted like a real person to Alec. He was charming, smart and quirky like a real person. He was… attractive like a real person but that was only to Alec. In reality, outside of Alec’s head, Magnus wasn’t real at all. He was just a symptom of Alec’s brain misfiring. He was a figment of Alec’s imagination.

Alec hadn’t always known Magnus wasn’t real. When he was a kid, he’d thought everyone could see him. He thought he was really there. Then, his mom had taken him to see a doctor and eventually, Alec got older and understood what was happening. 

He’d tried every pill in the book. His mother had paid for him to go to France and try this expensive therapy program. Nothing had worked. Magnus had always stayed there, as real as he’d always seemed. Alec didn’t tell anyone that he was a little relieved when none of it worked. He knew he should want Magnus to go away, so he could live a ‘normal’ life but he didn’t. 

He loved Magnus, real or not. He’d accepted it by now and for the most part, his family had too. His mother had given up on him being ‘normal’. His siblings had just started referring to Magnus like he was real, which Alec appreciate more than his therapist seemed to.

Magnus had become normal to them. He’d become a part of all of their lives, even if Alec was the only one who could see him. In some way, he’d become real to all of them just because he was real to Alec. 

Alec didn’t think his family understood how much he appreciated that. He couldn’t imagine caring about someone so much that wasn’t real and that he couldn’t even talk about. At least Alec could talk about him. 

“Hey, pretty boy,” Magnus said, breaking Alec out of his thoughts. “Your eggs are burning.” 

Alec jumped to pull his pan off the stove. 

Alec shoved Jace’s plate across the table to him and shoved his own burnt eggs into his mouth. He didn’t have time to waste this morning. “Are you coming with me?” He asked, turning to look at Magnus who was entertaining himself by trying and failing to push Jace’s plate off the table. Jace didn’t even lookup. They both knew who Alec was talking to. There was no way Jace would leave for school early.

“So I can sit and watch you stress about remembering stuff you’ve known for months?” Magnus asked, sparing a moment to look up at him from his clearly very entertaining task. “Uh, no. I’m good. I’ll stay here. Ancient Aliens is on all week.” Magnus grinned. 

“Good, watch it so we can watch something else when I get home.” Alec rolled his eyes. He hated that show so much. Part of him must like it if his hallucination was so set on watching it but Alec didn’t like thinking about stuff like that. It made his mind spin. “Do the dishes when you’re done,” Alec said over his shoulder as he headed towards the front door. 

“Magnus can do the dishes now?” Jace asked curiously, peering up from his phone. 

Alec rolled his eyes again. He wasn’t sure which of them made his eyes roll more. “No, I was talking to you.”

Jace sighed. He put his phone down and slowly pulling himself out of his chair to head towards the sink. “Yeah, I was just hoping.” He grumbled, throwing his own plate into the sink with a loud crash. “It would be nice for Magnus to pull his weight around here. I’ve done the dishes how many times? And he’s done them?” Jace paused a second for dramatic effect. “Zero.”

Alec rolled his eyes again. Definitely Jace. 

When Alec got home later that night, he was unsurprised to walk into his room and find it empty. Whenever he was home, Magnus was normally right around him but if he was gone for long, it was like Magnus got bored and would wander off and find something to do. 

Alec’s psychologist said that probably happened because that’s what Alec thought another person would do. It made sense, he guessed. 

He closed his bedroom door loudly, dropping his bag and sighing as he moved towards his desk. He’d left early for school that morning and stayed a few extra hours to study more. 

He was exhausted but his exam was only a few days away. It took him twenty minutes to go through his flashcards. He could do it one more time.

He pulled the flashcards out and settled down into his chair. As much as Alec wanted to see Magnus after not seeing him all day, he was really hoping Magnus would stay away until he finished studying. Magnus was not a good study partner. Not at all.

Of course, just as he thought that Magnus appeared in his room somewhere behind him. He groaned loudly when he saw what Alec was doing. “How many times are you going to look at those?” Magnus snapped, dramatically throwing himself onto Alec’s bed.

Alec flicked to the next card. “As many times as it takes to get an A.” He called back, trying to focus and not look over. 

Magnus appeared at his side. He leaned over Alec’s chair to see the cards and scoffed quietly. “You already know all of these,” Magnus said, reaching out to pull the flashcards towards him. He managed to move them an inch or two and then Alec reach out and pushed them towards him a little farther.

Magnus had gotten a lot better at being able to touch stuff. In the back of his mind, Alec wondered how that would have looked if someone else had been in the room. Did the cards really move at all when Magnus touched them? Had it all been Alec?

Magnus was getting better at ‘moving’ stuff because Alec couldn’t convince himself Magnus wasn’t real. That’s what his psychologist said. Alec denied it, of course. He insisted that he knew Magnus wasn’t real and he did, logically. Emotionally, secretly, he guessed it was a bit harder to convince himself of that. 

Alec knew Magnus wasn’t real but feeling like Magnus wasn’t real was completely different. Magnus wasn’t real. He was also very real. It was complicated. Magnus flipped through the index cards, throwing the first couple that he must have thought were boring onto the floor. 

Alec watched them fall with a sigh. 

“Define psychology,” Magnus demanded, sounding listless and bored already. Alec would have hated to see Magnus in school. He would have done great in the courses he was interested in but the others (like Alec’s Introduction to Psychology course), he would have… 

Well, he would have thrown his flashcards on the ground. Alec probably would have made them for him, hoping he’d use them. There was no way Magnus would make his own. Alec cleared his throat. “The science of behavior and cognitive processes.” 

“Nativism?” Magnus asked without pause.

“The philosophical position that heredity provides individuals with inborn knowledge and abilities.”

“Rationalism?”

“The philosophical position that true knowledge comes through correct reasoning.”

Magnus promptly dropped the rest of Alec’s index cards, letting them fall to the desk in a messy pile. Alec was happy he at least didn’t throw them on the ground. “Come on, Alec. You know all of this. You’re set.” Magnus slid off Alec’s desk and flopped back onto the bed. “Come watch a movie with me.” He said as a demand, not as a question. 

Alec hesitated for a second and then sighed. Magnus was right. He was as prepared as he’d ever be and later… Well, Magnus would get bored eventually and he could organize his flashcards and go over them again. If worse came to worse, he could practice them in the bathroom.

Alec stood up and walked over to the bed. He flopped down next to Magnus and grabbed the remote, turning the TV on. “What do you want to watch?” He asked, flicking the TV instantly off of Ancient Aliens, hoping Magnus wouldn’t complain. 

Thankfully, Magnus didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he hummed contemplatively. “Something scary.” He said finally. “A ghost story.”

Alec opened Netflix and clicked on the horror section.

Alec got an A on his exam. He announced it to his family the day he’d got his grade back and they’d all been happy for him but unsurprised. Alec had never gotten less than a B on an exam and even then, he’d only gotten one or two B’s. 

“What are you going to obsess about now?” Magnus asked, laying stretched out on Alec’s bed while Alec organized his binder, shifting it into post-exam mode with all his study cards and notes neatly put away in case he ever needed them again. 

“I have a history project,” Alec responded, ignore the jab at his studying habits. He didn’t think he obsessed. He just liked to be prepared. He wasn’t willing to pick that fight today though. 

“Oh?” Magnus said, perking up at the sound of it. “What kind of history? Ancient history?” 

“No.” Alec pulled the project outline out of his backpack and slid it over to Magnus. “Nothing that exciting. I have to do a report on a historical site around here.”

Magnus leaned over the paper, reading through it with a surprising amount of detail. Magnus loved history but even with Alec’s history assignments, Alec had never seen him quite this enthralled. Magnus hummed as he finished reading it, seeming to Alec like he was trying to be a little more casual than he really felt. 

“You should do it on that old house in the woods,” Magnus said, resting on his elbow to look up at him. 

Alec knew exactly what house he was talking about. There was an old abandoned house way into the woods behind Alec’s parent's estate. He and his siblings had gone out there to play more times than he could count but he hadn’t been back in a long time. He wondered if it was still standing. “I’m not really sure if that counts as a historical site.” He said after a moment. 

Magnus sat up. “Of course, it does!” He insisted. “It’s so old. Aren’t you curious about it?” He asked, cocking his head. Alec was curious. He’d always wondered who had lived there and what had happened to them. “All of your classmates are going to pick a famous historical site around here. They’re going to get all their information from Wikipedia. You’d get such a good grade for thinking outside of the box if you picked that house.” 

Alec thought about it for a second. He was right. It would be a lot harder to research and if he managed to get enough information to pull it off, he’d probably get the best grade in the class. “Yeah…” He said slowly. “I’ll email my professor about it.” 

Magnus smiled. “Good. Do you want to do something now?” He asked, looking at Alec’s already very organized binder with a bit of judgment. “I’ve been waiting for you all day.” He said, like it was very rude of Alec to go to school instead of hanging out with him. 

Alec sighed and started putting his stuff away again. “What do you want to do?” He asked.

“Ancient Aliens?” Magnus proposed, sounding like he knew Alec would say no.

Alec sighed. “No.” 

“Hmm…” Magnus pondered for a moment, peering over at Alec from his upside-down position on the bed. “Uno?” He asked finally.

Alec wanted to stay no just to bother him but Uno did sound nice. “Yeah, sure.” Magnus jumped excitedly to grab the cards off the bookshelf, crumpling Alec’s paper in the process. Alec held back another sigh and slide his school work safely back into his backpack. When he looked up, Magnus was standing next to the bookshelf frowning. “Do you need help?” 

Magnus nodded. Sometimes, Magnus could move stuff. Sometimes, he couldn’t. Alec wished his mind would just pick one. It would be a lot easier. Alec slid off the bed and grabbed the cards off the shelf.

Alec fiddled with the camera around his neck, adjusting the strap so it wouldn’t sway too much when he walked. He pulled his backpack up and slid it onto his back before turning towards Magnus. “If the building isn’t standing anymore, that’s kind of going to ruin the photos.” Alec murmured. 

Magnus shrugged. “Even if it’s collapsed, it will give it character.”

Alec scoffed. “Character and nothing to show for my project…” They were walking out to the old house to try and take pictures while the sun was still high in the sky. Later, Alec was going to sit down and try to see if he could get any actual information on the house online. He might have to go to the library and look through the town records for that but he could at least try online tonight.

Normally, he’d expect to go to the library alone but Magnus seemed particularly interested in this project. Alec wasn’t sure why but he wasn’t complaining. He appreciated the company, even if he was less productive with Magnus around.

Twenty minutes later, they found themselves deep in the woods behind Alec’s house, standing in the overgrown yard of the collapsing farmhouse. Alec frowned. “They should hire a gardener.” He said finally, trying to step over a tangled thorn bush. It snagged his pants anyway and he tripped forward, groaning softly as he managed to right himself before he fell completely.

“Who, the ghosts?” Magnus called over his shoulder. He walked through the thickets with far more ease than Alec did. The perks of not being real, Alec supposed as he tripped again. 

“Yeah,” Alec mumbled, preoccupied with watching his steps. Alec looked up and caught the sight of Magnus standing on the crumbling porch ahead of him. He looked like he belonged there for some reason, among the overgrown nature, his skin streaked with the sun. Alec raised his camera. “Smile!” He called. 

Magnus looked over and grinned. 

Alec had tried to take pictures of Magnus before, mostly jokingly. He was never in any of them of course. Alec wished this one would come out though. He wished he could snap a photo of what he was seeing instead of what was really there. 

Magnus looked ethereal. He looked beautiful. Alec snapped the photo and let the camera drop around his neck. “Is it vandalism if we break-in?” Alec asked curiously. 

Magnus hummed and then he turned around, his foot slamming into the rotten front door, sending splinters of the soft wood into the air. “Not if the door was already open,” Magnus called, stepping into the dark building. 

Alec frowned and walked forward, making his way onto the porch. The door had probably been open the whole time, he thought. When they were kids, they had always snuck in through one of the broken windows but there were a lot of things that could have broken the door over the years since he’d last been there.

Sometimes, it was hard to try and piece together what was real when you knew you were an unreliable narrator. Alec stepped around the remaining piece of the front door and made his way inside the building, following Magnus’ easy steps. 

“Did you get enough pictures?” Magnus asked an hour later, laying sprawled in his usual place on Alec’s bed.

Alec nodded slowly but frowned as he stared at the screen on his laptop. He closed the file and opened it again but nothing about it changed. 

Magnus sat up behind him, sitting cross-legged as he peered over. “Something wrong?” He asked. 

“No…” Alec closed the file again and then opened it one more time. Again, nothing changed. “I just…” Alec frowned deeper. “You’re just in the photo.” He mumbled, clicking the button on his laptop to turn the brightness all the way up as if that would change anything. 

It didn’t. 

Alec saved all the photos onto his laptop and then slide the SD card back into his camera. He opened the photo he’d been looking at on the small camera screen and again, it looked exactly the same as it had a moment before. That was… interesting. 

Alec had never thought Magnus was in a photo before and yet, he was there. He was standing on the porch of the abandoned house, smiling. The sunlight was bright on his face. He wasn't blurry or fuzzy. He was clear, like he’d really been standing there on the porch when Alec had taken the photo.

“Oh?” Magnus asked. He didn’t sound particularly surprised, just a little pleased. It almost sounded like he was proud of himself. “That’s interesting.” 

Alec looked over at him and stared for a moment. Magnus smirked. Alec looked back at the photo. “I mean, I’m sure you’re not really there.” He reasoned. 

Behind him, Magnus agreed easily, “Yeah, sure.” It almost sounded like he was humoring him. “I bet not.” 

Alec frowned deeper. He closed his laptop and stood up, making his way towards his bedroom door. 

“Where are you going?” Magnus asked, sounding like he knew.

Alec shrugged. He didn’t want to say it. “I’m just going to go talk to Jace.” He murmured, before he darted out his bedroom door, his laptop clutched in his hands. Behind him, he heard Magnus said he’d be waiting there. He walked down the first few steps and then started running down them, calling Jace’s name.

He almost thought he heard Magnus chuckle behind him. 

“Who the fuck is that?” Jace snapped, staring at the photo Alec had open on his laptop. His hair was a mess. He was half undressed, standing with his arms crossed in his messy bedroom. He’d still been asleep when Alec had barged in, despite the fact that it was nearly three PM. 

It was a Saturday. Alec shouldn’t have expected Jace to be awake this early.

“You see him?” Alec asked, his voice rising with frantic excitement. Excitement wasn’t even the right word. Alec wasn’t excited but he was something similar, something that made him a little sick to his stomach.

Jace blinked. “What do you mean?” He looked at Alec and then to the photo with absolute bewilderment. “The dude in the photo in front of that creepy fucking house? Of course, I see it. Who the hell is that?”

For a moment, Alec couldn’t even speak. “What does he look like?” 

“Alec-” Jace made a garbled intelligible noise before he kept speaking. He must have known Alec wouldn’t let it go. “He’s smiling, he has brown hair, he’s wearing dirty jeans and a crappy t-shirt you’d wear, messy hair-” 

Alec stopping hearing Jace. His ears were ringing and he couldn’t make sense of what he was hearing at all. Jace was looking at Magnus in the photo and he could actually see him. Jace could see him. What could that _ possibly _ mean?

“That’s Magnus.” He said slowly. 

Jace blinked. “What the fuck do you mean, ‘that’s Magnus’?” He spat. 

Alec blinked and then he leaned closer to his brother, punctuating his words as he spoke this time. “That’s. Magnus.” 

For a moment, Jace looked like he was about to throw up. He sputtered finally, “You took a picture of Magnus?”

Alec nodded slowly and then a slow, wide grin stretched over his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.” Alec held his laptop closer to Jace, like he needed to see the photo again. “I was just- we were out by that house for my project and I just took a picture. I needed it for the project anyway and Magnus was there but I didn’t think he’d-” 

Jace looked at Alec wide-eyed, like something had occurred to him suddenly. “He’s a fucking ghost.” 

Alec nodded almost frantically. “Yeah.” They stared at each other for a few long moments before Alec exhaled and spoke again, “Something like that, right?”

Magnus looked particularly smug when Alec made his way back up to his room again. By the time Alec walked through the door, he’d pushed down the bubbling astonishment so he could walk inside looking as casually as he’d tried to walk out. He wasn’t even particularly sure why he was trying to act like that.

Magnus just looked so smug about it. He’d known the whole time, obviously. He could have tried to tell Alec the truth of the situation. Alec might not have listened to him but he could have tried. He didn’t even do that. 

He’d waited for years until a situation arose where Alec could find out by himself and now, he was just waiting for Alec to react. It felt like Alec was trying not to let a pranker have the satisfaction of seeing him freak out.

The rational part of his mind was still struggling too. Ghosts weren’t real. Some people believe in them but Alec wasn’t one of them. The way his mind functioned forced him to put a lot of weight on science and evidence and none of that went hand and hand with ghosts. 

Yet, Alec’s best friend was a ghost. Nothing else made sense. Jace could see him. Jace saw him. He was real, somehow.

Alec put his laptop back down on his desk. He struggled to lean over the desk and plug it back in when Magnus finally spoke behind him. “So, he couldn’t see it right?” He asked. 

Alec bit the inside of his lip. He turned around slowly and pulled a hand through his messy hair. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?” He asked finally. 

Magnus sat up and pressed his lips for a moment, “How could I have?” He said finally. “What would I have said? ‘I know no one but you can see me but trust me Alec, I’m real-’” 

“You didn’t have to say _ that _ but you could have said something! I’ve thought for years that I’m-”

“You wouldn’t have believed me.” Magnus wasn’t asking. He was telling Alec and Alec knew he was right. He wouldn’t have believed him but maybe it would have planted that seed of doubt and he’d have found out sooner. 

“Why that house?” Alec asked. “I’ve taken pictures of you before, why did it work there?”

Magnus shrugged. His eyes flickered away and for the first time since Alec had walked into the room, Magnus deflated a little and lost a bit of that confidence. He looked like he didn’t want to answer for a moment. “I lived there.” He murmured. 

That wasn’t really what Magnus was saying though. He had lived there. He was a ghost. What he really meant was that he’d died there. 

Alec frowned. He has a million more questions. He wanted to ask Magnus so many things. He wanted to ask when he’d lived there. He wanted to ask how he died. He wanted to ask why he was the only person who could see him. He wanted to ask why he’d seen Magnus since he was a kid, _ why _ him. He wanted to ask if Magnus had always known he was dead. 

Part of him wanted to run downstairs and ask Jace if he’d really seen him in the photo or if he’d made the whole thing up, that conversation with him included. 

Magnus was sitting on his bed though and real or not, he looked sad. Magnus didn’t look sad often. He was always happy. He was always excited. Except, now he wasn’t. He was frowning down at the bed, his eyes distant. 

Alec took a couple of hesitant steps towards the bed. “Do you want to watch something?” He asked, “While I work on my project?”

Magnus peeked up at him, looking interested. “Ancient Aliens?” He asked slowly, a little hopeful. “It’s on all week.” He said again as if he thought Alec hadn’t been listening when he’d said it before.

Alec smiled and nodded as he moved to grab the remote. That stupid show was worth it if it made Magnus happy and in the end, Alec got his answer anyway. He didn’t have to go to the library to see the records of the house. He found them pretty easily online and listed in one of the articles was a little boy who’d drowned in the creek next to the house. 

His name had been Magnus.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Teethontheside) or [tumblr](https://facialteeth.tumblr.com/). I'm always bored.


End file.
